Tuesday, July 6, 2010

He doesn't know those words

God has been challenging me lately to trust and rely completely on him.  It is lesson we have been working at for quite some time now and I still haven't learned it.  Will I ever?  I love Him so much, but it's just so difficult sometimes to feel "good enough." 

Enough.  Am I enough? Am I doing enough?  Did I try hard enough?  Did I care enough?  Did I give enough?

As a perfectionist I am constantly worrying over being the best I can be, my best self, etc.  Last night I talked to mom about my anxiety about being enough.  I said, Momma, I just worry that God is saying to me, "more. that's not good enough." 

She said, "Baby, he doesn't know those words."

So whatever it is in YOUR life, however big or small, significant or insignificant, trivial or travesty, whatever it is that you are beating yourself up about not having done enough, just let it go.  And ground yourself in his love and hope unswervingly.

Because we will never be "enough."  We will never fill ourselves up, no matter how hard we try.  If I make those cookies it will not be enough, if I call a sick friend it will not be enough, if i get a job, get a husband, get a car, get a pool, learn French and paint like Monet, it still won't be enough. 

We won't fill ourselves up because that is a job only God can do. 

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