oh this is the start

of something good, don't you agree.
i haven't felt like this in so many moons
you know what i mean?

Obviously, those words are Gavin's and not my own, but I can't stop singing them in my head.  I haven't felt like this in sooooo many moons.  I feel settled.  I feel all "here." I feel hopeful, excited, just content. ? Did I really just say that?

baby-ballet began on Monday, and finally I had a purpose! a job. and it felt so good. i walked into a studio filled with little pink leotards and skirts, staring at me like I was part Amazon woman-part princess.  (probably more amazon than princess.) and i looked at them like they were little pink christmas gifts.  they probably sensed my over-enthusiasm and were slightly frightened, but all in all we had a good time.  We shuffled, hopped, heeled, boogie-woogied, stomped on bugs, reached for stars, picked flowers, apples, pretended we were giraffes. basically, a baby ballet teacher is called to all out humiliate herself while sixteen six year olds watch.  but at the same time, these little tykes don't care about my hair, my voice, my mistakes, my short comings as a teacher. . .they are innocent in every sense!

i thought about an  adage that I look at every day (thanks to my laura hall friend) but rarely STOP to think about: "DANCE LIKE NOBODY IS WATCHING. . ." Dancing for me is something i do for myself.  its just for me.  its the opposite mindset of a performer, really.  I don't care if you watch me or not, like it or not, if im doing it wrong or not, i have nothing to lose and nobody cares.  I used to dance because somebody wanted to, but now its just fun because i do it for me.  not for anyone else.

I think everyone needs something like this, that they do ONLY FOR THEMSELVES.  I don't see this as selfish, i see it as sensible.  If each person had one enjoyable, only-for-me, don't care who sees it, reads it, hears it, "comments" on it, re-peats it, thing in their lfe, then we would all be a little LESS selfish, and "free-er givers" when push came to shove, or where it really counts.  i know that THAT is true for me. 

so heres to GAVIN and that something in your life. "start it new today" and don't look over your shoulder to see who is watching you dance. just enjoy it and celebrate the gifts and talents God has given you, me, and everyone, and let that be enough.