instagram fun

loving my instagram lately!

i want to see life like instagram does--all pretty and artsy like! take a picture of a sack of potatoes and instagram it

INSTA-ART.

happy SUNDAY!

Life Is Sweet Without Wheat

Got a phone call last week that informed me, "you have celiacs disease." Cool, thank you and Goodbye then gastro-entro-nologist (absolutely this is not how you spell this word)

Which all that means is my body is now, for some strange reason, allergic to wheat. So here-goes a new diet of gluten-free foods. I need to get serious and start checking out some "oodie websites" and saving my pennies for the expensive flour ($8.50?) i have to purchase, but there are some great perks to being a gluten-ite.

1. is called you get to go to FRESH MARKET a lot and your hubby supports this decision because he knows you are depressed about not getting to eat Nutrigrain bars, animal crackers, and milano cookies, which up until this point had been your main food groups.

2. is called you get to shop around at the FRESH MARKET with your cutie little two-teired shopping cart that fits exactaly $90 of the freshest, happiest, fruits, veggies, meats, and cheeses you have ever seen.

3. is called you get a Sonic Power Ade Slush whenever you want because it does not have gluten in it and you occasionally feel bad for yourself over seeing all the happy digestive systems eating at the CFA.

4. is called your friends come over just to check out what you figured out you could make. So far I have made glutenfree ROAST BEEF and Veggies, Gluten Free SPAGHETTI! I am working on more lunch ideas so if anyone has any suggestions please let me know!!!

love love love,
em

i'm so exhausted tonight--so exhausted that is a miracle that i am blogging.
but priorities, are important and it has been forever since i wrote anything down about anything.

all i want to do tonight is READ, put words into my mind, not try to squeeze them out into something that makes a little, hopefully, sense.  Reading is so good like that, have you thought about it? taking words in and processing them is so much easier, for me, than putting them on a page.

this is also a wonderful quality in a facebook stalker. (que scary music)
i can easily spend hours just looking. reading. never posting, just looking. you're really lucky if i have the energy to give you a thumbs up "like" on facebook. this is big for me. don't ask me to come up with something to SAY however.

i  can spend hours reading blogs, without anyone knowing i'm there. okay,sounds creepy but tonight i wanted to say

HERE I AM.  and this is what I know TODAY

today i know:

i'm loved, blessed by JESUS, not hungry at all because i have had lots to eat today, happy to have a comfy bed, excited to start BITTER IS THE NEW BLACK, getting to love new home more and more each day, hoping that i can visit family SOON, and pondering the benefits of five hour energy pills at 4 in the afternoon, are these healthy? oh, and LOVE you like a love song baby IS ON REPEAT. loves it.

so these thoughts prove i am here. as does the big dent in my favorite pillow.



goodnight world. stalk you in the morning. 

R&R

Been reading a wonderful book by Joyce Meyer called Eat the Cookie Buy the Shoes. My first instinct was to say well no wonder this is a Nee York Times Best Seller! How many times does it take to tell a woman to "eat the cookie!"

The thing is, it has taken me a while longer than it should have to discover the true art of relaxation. It is a talent, and sometimes I have a difficult time of it. I compensate for my worry with to-do lists and hard work. Sometimes I think people will no longer love little old me if I stop being a hard worker. Well that's just pride and prides just as ugly as they come.

The truth is a good woman knows the art and necessity of a little R&R and can lighten up every so often. My mother is known for laughing at her poor children during a tantrum or when we find ourselves the most pitiful creatures on Gods green earth. She doesn't take our tedious troubles too seriously. She knows its better to laugh. She also believes in the power of the cat nap. 20 minutes and she's a new woman. With six kids if she didn't recharge she'd be in the funny farm by now.

So dismiss that negative connotation of rest and recreation and refreshment with These thoughts from Joyce's book::

"rest is not inactivity but the harmonious working together of all the faculties and affection of will, heart, imagination & conscious."



"if the emotions heart will or mind is set against the thing being done there will be no rest. Martha was working, but she resented it so she could not rest. When we have a job to do we should do it willingly not with resentment. It is vital for us to use our free will and choose the will of god when a thing needs to be done. We say in our heart "I will do this as a service to god and I will do it with a good attitude."

immeasurably more

wanted to share a few things that have cropped up in my life lately--in Bible verses I have come across & books that I have been reading; all have presented truths i already KNOW, but do i truly TAP into the powersource, the ABUNDANCE that is my Jesus?

as believers in Christ we have the power that raised Christ from the dead, living within us. Paul urges the Ephesians to truly tap into this power when he writes,

"that HE may grant you in accord with the riches of his glory to be STRENGTHENED with power through his spirit in the inner self, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that YOU rooted and grounded in love, may have STRENGTH to comprehend with all the holy ones what is the breadth and length and heighth and depth, and to KNOW the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be FILLED with the fullness of God"  Ephesians 3:16-19

as i read this verse, I feel myself getting bigger and bigger, stronger and stronger.  God wants me to have strength? power? he wants little me to know the length, breadth, heighth and depth of his love! he wants happiness and peace, true joy found only in Him! why, if this is true, do i worry over the small things, mistakes made, my inadequacies, grades, what others think, what others say? if i truly was tapped into the power that Christ gives me, and places within me, then I would not worry at all about what is to come.

"Now to HIM who is able to accomplish far more than all we can ask or imagine, by the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever." Ephesians 3:20

In this verse Paul says that God's power, his abilities, his overall-plan is SO MUCH GREATER than even our WILDEST DREAMS.  He is able to do IMMEASURABLY MORE
than what we can comprehend.  Why then do I not ask him? pray specifically for the strength and power that I require to make it through the day, for the self-esteem, for the desire to play hard, for my future-spouse, for whoever and whatever it is I am struggling with, why do I not ask him?

Because of these truths we are called to CELEBRATE and REJOICE in God's goodness.  He desires for us the "abundant life!"  He desires for us bigness, fullness, happiness, joy, freedom---he desires for us a care-free lifestyle that ONLY relying on Jesus can give. 

In college I struggled the most with anxiety and inadequacy.  I felt stretched thin, I felt like I was living hand-to-mouth and day-to-day. I struggled with eating enough food to keep me going. I felt like the less space I took up the better. Smaller, quieter, I didn't have enough energy to ward off what I knew was Satan tempting me to dispair.  Wow. That is hard to admit, but so true.  While I wasn't actively sinning against others, I was certainly not tapping into the power that Jesus had already given me.  He had a big present waiting for me in the corner but I was too tired to notice, or believe.

Still today I struggle with anxiety but I have to actively choose to believe and reopen his gifts each morning.  Lord, I believe, help my unbelief. Not in my power, but in God's power.  Reading these verses makes me feel full, powerfull, strong.  it makes me feel happy and joyful.  unafraid. 

Thats why I love this picture of Kurt so much; he is unafraid, unworried, stretched out agaisnt the biggest place he could find. Taking up as much space as he can in a picture//he stands next to a huge ocean and yet he struggles to be as large as the sea.  It is refreshing to me.  It used to bother me how much space he demanded, but now I see what a gift that is.

God can do IMMEASURABLY MORE

talked out

i feel talked out

lately i have been carrying on at the office, answering telephones and writing down messages like "rt tooth sore. sensitive to cold. needs to be glued back." very professional messages such as this, might lead you to ask the question, girl, what are you doing answering phones in a dentist office?

you might also wonder why a girl who makes her husband order the pizza, talk at sonic, and pay all the bills, is handling making appointments, phone calls, and billing other peoples insurance?

dr. westover, if you are reading this, don't lose faith in me.

but isnt it funny the way my comfort zone no longer exists?

a year ago, only a year ago, i was scrambling for a day job--kurt would push me out the door into a random establishment, yelling encouragement such as "you look cute! of course they will hire you" or "tell them you wrote a thesis!" as one may have told me, ahem, 5 years ago, a liberal arts degree and no experience grants you just that: a liberal arts degree (and a pretty way of talking that others probably won't be able to understand) a thesis? who do you think YOU are little lady? Charlotte Bronte?

needless to say my smallish voice and shy way of not looking at you directly in the eye for too awfully long, didn't insight complete confidence in my selling, teaching, govering, or even peir-one-ing abilities.  looking for a job is one of the most humbling experiences.  its kind of like you are a sorry little telemarketer, who gets hung up on relentlessly all day long. i feel bad for their self confidence.  random telemarketer, if YOU are reading this, take heart.  we do (maybe) need you after all.

zip to the present
i have a job, and on most days i can do it.  on most days i can correctly identify your appointment, not choke on the phone, translate your bill, and pretend as if insurance companies are my best friends.  i can sweet talk you into not having an appointment, paying your bill, and convincing you that its probably best for you to come back in four months to have your teeth checked again. on most days.

on other days
i find myself trampling around the muddy grass in search of dr. westover's car, which is literally smarter than i, clicking the keys in hopes of a beep. you may find me shaking at the wheel as i tread cautiously to his son's grade school, where i try to gracefully holler his name out the window, and not look like a kidnapper in the process.  i also may or may not find myself rejoicing with blackened hands that the toner is now working, asking the FedEx man how to apply the shipping label, or screaming gibberish at the sweet lady who fixed my credit-card-thing. 

all in all
it is good. it is good to know i can do it. it is BETTER to know when i can't, there is someone to ask, someone to help, and someone to laugh with.

cheers to a lack of comfort in my very comfortable life.
em

for what is a year without learning?

what is a day without laughter or trials--

a bubble of sorts, unrealistic and all

lovey dovey the whole day through,

will never compare to a real year with you.

things aren't always easy neither are they always trying
you can laugh or you can cry. never mistake a chance to laugh as a reason not to
prefecting can be the opposite of accepting if i'm not careful
just a thing or two i learned in one year with you

one can be mad enough to spit and happy enough to cry
and by one i mean me.

food is better when you eat it
sometimes considering others means considering yourself first
nothing's sweeter than contentment
just a thing or two i leanred in a year with you

one can't step over certain rules like how minutes and hours work together
and by one i mean even me

some people are loud, they make noise. they generally take up space.
it is better to bite the bullet, own up, tell the truth, make it count
twenty dollars gas now, twenty dollars gas later, is not more effecient than spending all up front
just a thing or two i learned in a year with you


one can leave or run, hide or try, not to see the good
and by one i mean me
but the other one will always be
all the good there was in me
and by the other one i mean you

when i look at you all i see

is many different pieces of me thrown together in a mis-match way

fitting in with you and blending

some days the texture is smooth,

where she stops nobody knows

other days the texture scrapes like a fall on summer-time rocky top

open and raw challenging itself to heal

but whatever day comes your way

you always choose i do.

i do too.

i choose i do every day. you committ to loving me every day this year and then some.

for that i thank  you and learn from

a year with you.