i'm so exhausted tonight--so exhausted that is a miracle that i am blogging.
but priorities, are important and it has been forever since i wrote anything down about anything.

all i want to do tonight is READ, put words into my mind, not try to squeeze them out into something that makes a little, hopefully, sense.  Reading is so good like that, have you thought about it? taking words in and processing them is so much easier, for me, than putting them on a page.

this is also a wonderful quality in a facebook stalker. (que scary music)
i can easily spend hours just looking. reading. never posting, just looking. you're really lucky if i have the energy to give you a thumbs up "like" on facebook. this is big for me. don't ask me to come up with something to SAY however.

i  can spend hours reading blogs, without anyone knowing i'm there. okay,sounds creepy but tonight i wanted to say

HERE I AM.  and this is what I know TODAY

today i know:

i'm loved, blessed by JESUS, not hungry at all because i have had lots to eat today, happy to have a comfy bed, excited to start BITTER IS THE NEW BLACK, getting to love new home more and more each day, hoping that i can visit family SOON, and pondering the benefits of five hour energy pills at 4 in the afternoon, are these healthy? oh, and LOVE you like a love song baby IS ON REPEAT. loves it.

so these thoughts prove i am here. as does the big dent in my favorite pillow.



goodnight world. stalk you in the morning. 

my green grass

so thankful tonight for the blessings in my life
and hoping you are too
for the blessings on your side of the fence

some might say that its always better over there
if only, if only, if only
if i can make it there i can make it anywhere
if only, if only, if only,
this test would pass by
the summer would come
on the beach i will lay all day in the sun
and then we will be
as happy as we
forget all the worries to come.

but this side of the season looks different i say
if only, if only, if only,
there were but 26 hours in a day
if only if only if only,
the paper would pass
then my patch of grass would surely
be brighter
& bolder.

seasons of years & seasons of love
they come & they go as they please
just as you arrive
they take a left dive
and leave you alone on your knees

Lord, Lord, here I am
now what do I do?
do i merely sit here and wait on you?
yes?
thats what you want me to say?
well, i've never quite thought of it that way.

but who will secure my future to come?
who will take care of the moon & the sun?
if it weren't for me, surely they'd fall
& leave earth like a giant 8 ball
shooting across the stars in the sky
without watchful eyes-
surely they'd fall with out me.

they won't?
you mean that you've got
your hand on that spot
that holds it all together?
yes?
that's what you say?
well i've never quite thought of it that way.

well okay.
if that's what you say
then all i can do is just stay
just stay
just stay.
just stay and sit.
Can I throw a fit?
& resist your power with great resentment?
no?
contentment?
that's what you say?
well i've never quite thought of it that way.

"then he caught hold of me"

on Wednesday Kurt and I finally had a much needed together-day--after our first semester together--it was time for a Christmas break, and a break from Christmas even. . .well all the hulabaloo anyway--.

We went to see Chronicles of Narnia and I remembered why we worked so well. . .everytime Aslan came on the screen, as silly as it sounds, we both just let the tears run. Isn't it funny that a sweet old children's story can tear at your heart that way? i love the passage in the Dawn Treader book, in which Eustace discovers that he must be transformed not by himself but by Aslan. I remembered my dear Elena friend reading this passage aloud at some point, and when I saw it on the big screen the importance of the moment, as well as its meaning, came flooding back to me.  Though we try and try to transform ourselves, scrape away our ugliness, refine and reform, it is to no avail unless Jesus is also a part of this transformation. I can't say it better than C.S. himself (go figure) so if you care to get lost in a little Children's magic, and Christmas magic, read on :

love and merriest of 26th of Decembers,
em

Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg. So I scratched away for the third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water I knew it had been no good.

The the lion said - but I don't know if it spoke - 'You will have to let me undress you.' I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

The very first tear he made was do deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know - if you've ever picked the scab of a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away.

Well, he peele the beastly stuff right off - just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt - and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there was Ias smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me - I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on - and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again. You'd think me simply phoney if I told you how I felt about my own arms. I know they've no muscle and are pretty mouldy compared with Caspian's, but I was so glad to see them.

Same Kind of Different

Just finished reading this book.  It has been recommended to me by many friends!  I remember Morgan loving it a while back & Elena recently loaned me her copy.  I have been pretty much in love with the story.  Aren't books amazing?  Think about it, what else lasts many, many, many years and has the capability to reach thousands of different people from completely different backgrounds!

That's another good reason to blog.  Comfort and encouragement can be found in words over and over again, especially words from your friends.  Here are a few quote from this book that I want to post on a sticky-note and wear it on my head. Or write it on a t-shirt.  Whatever.


"Our limitation is God's opportunity"

"I'm just a nobody trying to tell everybody about a Somebody who can save anybody."

"What must befall thee must befall thee, and what will pass ye by will pass ye by."

All three of these quotes come from Denver Moore in the story.  He is a true-life character who came from Louisiana cotton fields to being homeless in Ft. Worth Texas.  His attitude and perspective on life is AMAZING.  He is wise and his words put my life and my silly worries in perspective!  Thank you Elena for letting me borrow this book!

And afterall, we are all the "same kind of different." Think about it!